The amount of overwhelm I'm getting, I feel I could be on this for another 10 months! How long do you all spend on AL1? What is the
longest you have spent on a level?
For the first time in about a year and a half since I started using this, I feel like I'm hitting those really deep, dark areas of my psyche I've tried
so hard to repress. I've had overwhelm most of the way through but I feel that most of my previous overwhelm was all of the defence mechanisms / lies /
repression tactics that were covering up the stuff that is coming up now. I'm trying my best to accept it all and I've noticed that one of my primary
fears with all this stuff that is coming up is feeling that these feelings could take me over and I could 'become' them if I allow them. My ego is
scared of identifying with these feelings. Hence the resistance. When I've noticed this, I think to myself 'What if I allow the feelings to take me
over?' and I allow the feelings to 'take me over' the best I can.
I have to say it's quite scary facing parts of myself which I have invested so much energy trying to push away - sometimes I think 'Wouldn't it be
easier to just keep repressing?, but then I think 'Do I want these feelings to run my life, for the rest of my life? Or do I want to truly face myself and
heal?' I think facing reality is one of the most challenging and courageous things we can do, and this I believe is one of the main things meditation is
about. Facing your reality.
